Word Of The Year: Self-love

I do not know exactly when it happened, but somewhere along the way in 2024 I stopped loving myself as deeply as I should.

Before getting into today’s post, I have to confess that I have never really been one to have a Word of the Year (WotY). I tried having a WotY for the first time in 2021, but I overdid it as I had not one, not two, but three! of them: Healing, Mindfulness and Discipline. I clearly set myself up for failure by going from never having had a WotY before to having three of them as I did not live up to any of those words. After that failure I abandoned the idea of a WotY altogether until December 2024 when I was examining the series of poor choices I made that year that led me to be on my third type of antidepressants in three weeks. I vowed to do better in 2025 and I wanted a WotY that will personify my intentions for this year. At first I wanted to go with Thrive, but upon closer examination of my life it became glaringly obvious that I do not have a Thrive problem. I have a Self-love problem.

The dictionary definition of self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.” Google’s AI Overview defines it as “the practice of having a positive regard for yourself, and valuing your well-being and happiness. It’s a positive trait that can improve your mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.” Unsurprisingly, self-love is closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion because when you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way.

The Google AI Overview definition of self-love explains why my mental health is currently in the gutter, why my relationships have room for improvement and why my overall well-being is significantly unwell. When it comes to my relationships what is especially painful is that since I do not love myself the way I should, I do not love my people the way I should.

If you read Karibu 2025 you know that 2024 was both the best and worst year of my life and I am looking forward to an infinitely better 2025. But so far not so good since so much of who we are starts and ends with our mental health and mine is currently in the gutter. And one of the reasons for my flailing mental health is that I have been trying, and failing, to pour from an empty cup.

In 2021 I wrote a two-part blog series about how you cannot pour from an empty cup: You Cannot Pour From An Empty Cup Part One: Misery and You Cannot Pour From An Empty Cup Part Two: Systems. You would think that the woman who wrote those two posts would know better than to try and pour from an empty cup, but here we are four years later and I am still trying to pour from an empty cup! Know better. Do better. Be better, I once wrote in 2019. Yet here I am in 2025, older but certainly not wiser because while I know better, I am not doing better, so I am not being better. I am trying to pour from an empty cup and it is not working because you cannot give what you do not have.

Our state of mind defines every relationship in our life, including the one we have with ourselves, which is why from this year onwards I will make looking after mine a priority. And how do I intend to do that? By practicing radical self-love.

Society tends to equate self-care with self-love, but that is just one aspect of self-love. Self-care is doing self-love, but you can also give, feel, think, and be present with self-love. My self-love language is primarily Give Self-love as it mirrors my top love language (Receiving Gifts), but I definitely dabble in all forms of self-love in that I:

1. do self-care, and for me this is primarily my AM and PM skincare routines as well as my monthly facials with a professional
2. schedule appointments
3. exercise, and as of this year I am working out four times a week. Day One is Leg Day, day Two is Upper Body Day, day Three is Cardio and Abs Day, and day Four is Booty Day. Believe it or not I am not the biggest fan of the gym nowadays as I mostly work out for my mental health and for the feeling of accomplishment when you leave the gym. So I decided that if I am going to work out four times a week, the fourth day must be a workout I look forward to, hence Day Four is all about building a bigger ass
4. now start my Saturday mornings with twenty minutes of mobility movements and stretching with my husband
5. share my successes
6. journal weekly or biweekly
7. am getting into guided meditations before bed thanks to the Headspace app
8. most definitely take time for hobbies (Book Your Brains Out, anyone?)
9. set boundaries, though I need to do better with the boundaries I set for myself as I focus a lot more on the boundaries I set for others
10. spend time with myself. In fact, if there is one thing I am selfish with it is my ‘Me Time.’

But while I have been doing all those things, I have not been doing them with any real purpose or intentionality and so they have not had any significant impact on improving the quality of my life. Going forward I want to be more purposeful and intentional with practicing the habits of the various Self-love Languages I currently dabble in. Additionally, I also want to be purposeful and intentional with other aspects of self-love such as forgiving myself (heavy on this one), addressing my toxic behaviours, engaging in positive self-talk, retraining negative thinking and showing up for myself.

In a bid to practice radical self-love this year, I have made myself three promises that I intend to keep as I believe that keeping promises you make to yourself is one of the highest forms of self-love. I will share details about the promises another day, but for today just know that one of them is to ensure that all the choices I make are rooted in self-love as choices have consequences. And it is high fucking time I master the skill of consequences.

This year I intend to love myself sooo radically (aka the way I should) for many reasons, chief among them being so I can love my people the way I should. The way they deserve to be loved. I am going to pour into myself so abundantly going forward because only when my cup is full, or at the very least halfway full 😅, will I be able to show up for others. And this year I intend to show the fuck up as a wife, a sister, a friend and a colleague.

So, dear reader, allow me to ask, how are you today? And do you have a Word of the Year? Let me know in the comments 😊