I am going to see Ed motherfucking Sheeran in concert in South Africa with three of my favourite females next month. It is only February but I am certain the trip will be the most exciting thing I do all year.
2018 was unequivocally the worst year of my life. Learning to live in a world without my mum felt like trying to make the impossible the immediate. My mum had been in my life for 30 years and suddenly she was not there anymore. It was incredibly difficult to wrap my head around that and everything felt so glaringly unfamiliar. It was a painful, heartbreaking, tearful year that I detail in The Grief Diaries. I cannot articulate exactly how I managed to get through 2018 but somehow I did.
And then, like a miracle, 2019 rolls around and I, out of nowhere, feel the suffocating cloud of grief that surrounded me last year begin to lift. On the first day of the year I changed my profile pictures and status/bio on WhatsApp and Instagram to a pic of myself and a link to my blog. From the day my mum died they had been about her but, miraculously, on the first day of this new year I felt ready to make the change. I talked about it in a previous post where I said it felt like removing your wedding ring after your spouse dies. I doubt a day will go by where I do not think about and miss my mum. But life is for living and I cannot let my grief define me for the rest of my life. I truly believe my mum watches over me so seeing me that sad must have made her very unhappy. Yes my grief is an indication of how deeply I loved her, but there are other ways to honour her. And interestingly enough, ever since I chose to start living life again, the dreams finally stopped. That alone makes me immeasurably happy.
2019 is also looking up for me professionally. My arch nemesis (lol) resigned in December last year and it was great cause for celebration knowing I never have to see her stupid face ever again. This year I moved to another agency within the group and the MD called me for a meeting early last month where she challenged me to become an account lead by year’s end. If you know me you know I fucking love a challenge and I look forward to smashing it as I always do. I know I had mentioned that I intend to move to an NGO this year where I can focus on women economic empowerment and education of children. But I believe things happen for a reason and the interagency move feels like where I am supposed to be for now. I am surrounded by the most brilliant minds and I am finally punching above my weight. I sit in meetings with people from the other disciplines and I am the dumbest person in the room. I just fucking love it!
I have brought back the heels this year and the lipstick loving Leo is also back! I go to work looking good every single day and it is actually so much fun. Last year I just used to show up to work in whatever simply because one cannot go to work naked. Some days I looked nice. Most days I looked like I could not wait to go back home. Because I could not wait to go back home.
But this year a star stylist is born. Lol. And I am having so much fun with it. You do not need a shitload of nice clothes to look good. It is all about mixing & matching and accessorising. 2019 is really bringing out the stylist in me karibu the blog moves from a creative writing one to a fashion blog. You will start seeing articles like “One Skirt Seven Ways.” Lol. But for real slay is one of my “keywords” for the year, together with consistency, purpose and fun. The keywords may increase as the year goes by but for now that is what I am focusing on.
Plus there is a boy. A most wonderful boy. I will not share details because this is between me and him. But what I will say is I had forgotten how euphoric falling for someone feels. Those initial hours/days/weeks/months when they are all you can think about. I remember the first time I held his hand I legit felt a spark of electricity and thought to myself “what in the Nora Roberts novel is going on here?” Lol. I do not know where this will go but I am having the absolute best time of my life living in the moment.
On that note, I really believe in speaking things into existence so I will say that 2019 will be the year of all the sex. Can I get an amen? Lol. For real though, 2019 will be the year of all the sex with all the deserving people.
With all that being said the one thing that stands out the most is how everyone who sees me this year says I look so happy. A few people have said I am glowing and that pleases me to hear because I truly am happy. Just last Tuesday I was at Subway for the first time this year and the branch manager said I look good. When I was at Kengele’s last Thursday to watch Lavosti and Roots Connection Band play, two different guys came up to me and said they have requested a song for me and if the band plays it they would love to dance with me. I feel such good vibes for 2019 and clearly I am radiating these good vibes left, right and centre. I look forward to doing my 2019 recap because I’mma make this year my bitch.
Cheers to a year of love, light, happiness, positivity and sex!