Guest Post – Sanaipei Kosen

Per person sharing

Song to listen to: River – Eminem ft. Ed Sheeran

I am tired. Quite honestly. Of this “Nairobi culture” that exists within millennial dating. Of this infamous toxicity culture that has been exalted. Of the casual flings and sex that has foreshadowed genuine relationships.

Where did we go wrong? At what point did we throw our hands up and decided to sabotage sincere relationships? I am a hopeless romantic and this culture is the pits for me. Oh my word! I am the type that watches romantic Christmas movies with a throw blanket and a tub of ice cream as I soak in that temporary ideal world. I am also a crier – which is totally on brand for me, especially when I watch sad or tragic romances. I have watched all Netflix romance movies however trashy or predictable the script is. You get the gist right?

I was talking to a friend of mine about how Nairobi is…well Nai-ro-biiiiii. The conversation was mostly me relating stories I heard from Adelle Onyango’s podcast and let me tell you Maina, the dating scene in Nairobi is the actual ghetto. The stories cut across all ages, from this 22 year old finding another babe in her kababa’s pjs and realizing they’ve been in a per person sharing (as I’ve come to love referring it as) relationship, to this 28 year old babe realizing her kababa had impregnated another babe a week to her traditional wedding! How chaotic can this be? No, seriously to what atrocious lengths do people actually go to for a quick nut?

Still on this topic, I was reading a blog by Miss Lwile and she had a category named Sex and The City, which is exactly what it alludes to. Lol. What caught my attention however, was how she dedicated her 2019 to be the year of the heaux and she was shown dust by city boys! I was just laughing at her misfortunes, while reflecting on my own. I also took a break from the dating scene in 2020 after being shown proper dust last year, which makes for hilarious banter in my close circle now, lol! As Ross Geller says it: Ah. Humor Based On My Pain! 😂 😂

While I was in a relationship, I really didn’t quite grasp how ugly the scene was like kwa ground. Chileee!! Everyone is down for a good time and casual sex. People don’t even front their intentions. Well just for three days and suddenly it’s “when can you come over?” or “when can I cook for you?”. I cannot exhaust the number of offers I’ve gotten for these “invites” in just a couple of months! Men and women alike have given up on love or are scared of vulnerability or as you kids love calling it: simping. Everything physical has been put forward – lust first and love last. Equally, everyone puts their satisfaction first not caring if they have a partner or not. In this fashion, we have been part of this problem in one way or another. I know I have entertained someone with a partner and each time I think about this I get disgusted by my own actions. We think we don’t owe anyone the decency of being human just because we’re strangers and that’s where we go wrong. On social media people jokingly ask:

Uko na mtu?”

“Yeah.”

“Can he fight?” Or “Ata goalposts huwa na goalkeeper lakini bado bao huingia.” Heh.

This terrifies me a lot. I yearn for that kind of romance that consists of breakfast dates, flowers, seeking God together and ticking academic and life bucket-lists together. Being on the streets during this time has shown me that I definitely do not belong here, but I also don’t belong in the arms of lovers with a wandering eye or limb. I am not built to be the other woman, or the one to be told “I normally don’t do this and I’m not a cheat”, or the one to be called for night outs that turn to one night stands. I have too much love to give out, and my heart cannot deal with casual flings and entanglements and neither does it align with my brand.

When did we get here? When did we normalize this urban and detached culture? For a generation of people who don’t really fancy math, it’s ironical to see the obsession in triangles, rectangles and octagons! People are cheating in relationships and marriages, WITH THEIR CHESTS SIS!! I absolutely refuse to board this car to whatever destination it leads to. I refuse to be broken to match the filth of this norm – to say relationships and marriages are a scam. I refuse to give up on love for it’s such a beautiful thing. I also don’t want to look at the world through rose colored glasses. It definitely is what it is. I hope we get delivered from these shackles and mentality, and go back to being decent people with transparent intentions rather than lustful interactions.

I have so much love to pour out to my partner, so many sunsets and horrible math jokes, handwritten letters and beautiful moments to share. I am not ready for temporary flings and surface attachments and a quick f@&k, so until then, I shall stay on the sidelines and scream Nairobiiiiii, as I was.

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