38 on 3.8

I turned 38 on 3.8, an age that holds both my birthday and my late mother’s (August 3^rd and March 8^th) mirrored within it.

That serendipitous realisation, which struck me three years ago, is the reason I am anchored in the conviction that 38 is destined to be the most monumental age of my life (so far). The second most monumental age should be 83… if I am fortunate enough to see it 😅

But between 38 and 83—and beyond, God willing—lies a stretch of life I pray will be filled with magic and meaning. I will grow, fall, rise, love and laugh on my journey to becoming who JS brought me into this world to be.

The last time I felt this level of excitement about my age was when I turned 36. In the weeks leading up to my birthday I was constantly hyping up how 36 was going to be such a fun age. So much so that I picked Such a Fun Age for book 36 of my 2023 reading challenge because I was 136% certain that (say it with me) 36 was going to be SUCH A FUN AGE!!! I mean, I was getting married at 36 and just five months later, like kismet itself had scheduled it, I would fulfill a decade-long dream to see MY FAVOURITE ARTIST OF ALL TIME, Taylor Swift, live in concert in Lyon on 3.6. A dream immeasurably more enchanting as the concert was The Eras Tour—an epic, career-retrospective, three-hour extravaganza recounting all of Taylor’s artistic eras. In that moment the lyric🎶and I don’t know how it gets better than this🎶from Fearless became the perfect soundtrack to my life because I genuinely could not envision how life could get any better.

Dear reader, it was NOT such a fun age. Instead, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But if 36 was heaven and hell combined, 37 was a custom order from hell with my name on it. 37 was the second worst year of my life, the worst being 2018 when I had to find a way to exist in a world without the person whose womb was the very first place I called home. That year of firsts — Christmas and New Year’s Day hollowed out by her absence; her birthday with her on the other side of death; my first motherless Mother’s Day; and my birthday without the person who made birthdays matter to me — repeatedly broke me, but I survived.

Few things destroy you like losing your mother, so for me to say 37 came second to that should tell you just how much that age was hell’s personal gift to me. At the age of 37 I hit rock bottom for the first time in my life on December 9^th, and then again on January 23^rd when I was admitted to a mental hospital against my will. And then in June I learned a truth so cruel it reshaped my understanding of hell—rock bottom has a basement. I lived in rock bottom’s basement between June 21^st and 24^th until my sister came to pull me out.

The first six months of 2025 will forever rank among the darkest stretches of my life, and I was not the only one dragged through hell, because my husband and sister paid the price as collateral damage of the chaos of 37. That is precisely why if 36 was heaven and hell combined, and 37 was a custom order from hell with my name on it, 38 arrives as more than an age that mirrors mine and my mum’s birthdates. It is the rebirth forged in the very fire hell tried to consume me with.

My mum was the first love of my life, and even though it has been nearly eight years since her passing, she remains a central figure in who I am. To know me is to know I place deep meaning in numerology and signs. In fact, I think the only person more obsessed with numerology than I am is Taylor Swift—just call me TAYlerie 💁‍♀️ Hence my conviction that 38 is destined to be the most monumental age of my life so far. But for that to happen, I have to do the work otherwise it will be just another year. And my therapist warned me that if I fuck this year up, one that has my mum woven intrinsically into its fabric, it will shatter me in ways I may never piece together.

I intend to use this monumental year to unpack the lessons, triumphs and scars from the good, the bad and the ugly of my first 37 years. I am going to dedicate a lot of time and energy to working on myself because I want to truly know myself and understand my patterns. Every human being has recurring patterns in thought and behaviour, and they are often why we keep getting the same results—especially the ones we do not want. 38 is an invitation to examine what behaviours, habits and patterns no longer serve me and to begin changing them. What do I need to let go of? What do I need to do differently? What wounds from my past do I still need to heal? These are some of the questions I am asking myself, and the answers will design the blueprint of my life for the next 45 years, if I am fortunate enough to see 83.

Thirty-seven years may have come and gone, but I have 45 more until my next monumental age of 83. And while 37 years is a lot, 45 is “more a lot”, and that gives me the opportunity to shape this second phase of my life to surpass the first. And I am claiming this opportunity like it owes me everything, because it kinda sorta does.

I am carefully mapping out my approach to align with the Big Five aspects of my life. The Big Five came into being on August 8, 2024 when I crafted my 2024–2025 manifestations. August 8^th is celebrated as the Lion’s Gate Portal, a powerful astrological and numerological event considered by many spiritual traditions to be the luckiest day of the year for manifestation and setting intentions. Not such a fun age fact: out of the eight manifestations I penned on August 8, 2024 only one came true 🥲

But hey, we try again this year 😅 so for anyone interested or inspired to try the same, this is an overview of my approach mapped to my Big Five:

1. Mental Health
The reason mental health tops my Big Five is because so much of who we are begins and ends with it. I am a product of therapy, having engaged with it on and off since 2017. But for 38, I am taking a step back from therapy because during the years of 36 and 37 I began relying on it as a crutch and was not truly doing the work. Yet therapy only works if you do the work, which explains why my mental health over those two years was marked by fleeting moments of happiness overshadowed by endless waves of sadness. This year I want to work on my mental health with the full arsenal I have built over years of therapy. And on the days when my toolbox is not enough, my therapist is an appointment away.

2. Career
I have been in the advertising industry for over 12 years and with my organisation for more than 9. However, the company is currently undergoing a restructure after losing a key account in May, and last week I was informed that my position is likely to be declared redundant. While I knew job cuts were inevitable after the loss of a key client, it was not until I held the potential redundancy letter in my hand that I fully grasped the difference between the possibility versus the reality of being impacted.
My prayer since the news was announced in May has been that if my story with my organisation is not over, I may be spared and allowed to continue. But if this chapter is meant to end, then may it be a redirection toward a greater purpose. One that aligns my passion and talent for writing with the reason I was placed on this earth. I may not yet fully understand what that purpose is, but I know for a fact it involves my writing. So I have also been asking for clarity and guidance to move forward with vision, purpose and intention.

3. Writing
I say all the time that writing is not what I do, it is who I am. But now I want to move in a different direction by getting paid for my writing. I do not earn anything from the blog, and readership has steadily declined over the years. I want to monetise my writing, so I am submitting to publications that pay in addition to entering writing contests. I will still write here, because Lwile the Leo (which turns seven!!!!!!! today 🥳🎉🥂💃🎈🎊🤩) is a big part of who I am, but I now plan to save my best work for these publications and contests, as they do not accept work that has been previously published on blogs or social media.
On that note, here is a link to The Opportunity Cost of Silence, my flash fiction story published in Libretto Magazine’s Issue 13: Hush Tales. I hope you enjoy it, and you can expect to see much more of this from me in the future 😊

4. Relationships
This encompasses my romantic, familial and platonic relationships as I intend to be the best wife, sister and friend to ever wife, sister and friend 🤩💁‍♀️

5. Finances
For over a decade I have been saying I need secondary sources of income because relying on just one is not enough, especially as the local and global economy worsens with every passing year. And while I have never acted on it, I can tell you there is nothing quite like receiving a potential redundancy letter to light a fire under your ass 😅

All of this to say, I feel such a sense of renewal and self-actualisation around 38 because I am owning it as the year to claim my purpose, amplify my voice and align my outer life with my inner truth. I am stepping into the most powerful and radiant version of myself, releasing everything that no longer serves me and boldly creating the life I was born to lead. I intend to be loud in my love, bold in my dreams and fearless in my truth. This Leo will roar without apology and trust that the right people, opportunities and blessings will hear me and come running.

They say life begins at 40. But for me, it begins at 38. Here’s to my best year yet, but not ever 🥳🍸🫶🥰♌️🪩✨💃