In 2014/2015 my BFF told me that firstborns are their mum’s best friends. This was after I had confided in her some of the painful truths my mum would reveal to me, and my inability to process them as well as she needed me to. I enjoyed a close relationship with my mum most of … Continue reading F Is For Firstborns
Category: The Grief Diaries
My mum died December 13, 2017 at 1:10 a.m. This is me trying to carry on in a world where the love of my life no longer exists.
C Is For Chemotherapy
My mum was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer on Friday June 15, 2012. It was a most fucked up Friday. The next few days after that fucked up Friday are a blur, but I remember my mum had to start chemo with immediate effect. When she came back home from her first treatment she … Continue reading C Is For Chemotherapy
Merry? Christmas
Christmas is my absolute favourite day of the year. One reason I look forward to having a home of my own one day is because Christmas will be an event. An ex of mine knew how much Christmas means to me so he called me at midnight to officially ask me to be his girlfriend. … Continue reading Merry? Christmas
Sweet Dreams Are Not Made Of This
I have been unable to reach my mum for a few days so I decide to pass by the house and see what the issue is. When I get there I find my mum in bed. Her eyes are bloodshot and the fluid in her catheter is red from the blood flowing out of her. … Continue reading Sweet Dreams Are Not Made Of This
Tributes To Our Mother
On this day last year we held my mum’s funeral service. It was a beautiful send-off that I know she would be proud of. That being said, I had no idea how hard it is to plan a funeral. Fucking hell it is difficult AF!! An ex of mine told me planning a wedding is … Continue reading Tributes To Our Mother
Surface Area 221.7
On this day last year we ran my mum’s obituary in the newspaper. I did not see it in print that day as I did not have the heart. We get the newspapers every day in the office so I asked a colleague to keep a copy for me that I would get from her … Continue reading Surface Area 221.7
December 13 2018
Dear mum, You have been gone one year today. Gone. What a stupid way to put it. Like you have gone to the market and will be back around 2 p.m. But I find it hard to say you have been dead one year today. That feels so impersonal. I still wonder what happened. After … Continue reading December 13 2018
Tenses
I used to think I knew what it was to miss someone until my mum died. I used to think speaking about my late mum was hard until I started writing The Grief Diaries. If there is something I hate saying is “my late mum.” Late for what? Yes I know that when you want … Continue reading Tenses
Nothing Breaks Like A Heart
At this time tomorrow my mum will have been dead for one year. My biggest learning from said year is that nothing breaks like a heart. Over the past few days I have noticed that the pressure I felt on my chest in the weeks following my mum’s death is back. At the most inopportune … Continue reading Nothing Breaks Like A Heart
My Last Conversation With My Mother
My mum had been in and out of hospitals too many times to count since her breast cancer diagnosis in 2012. On this day last year she was discharged from a hospital for the last time. December 11 2017 I left the office at 4:20 p.m. and went to Cedars for a glass of wine … Continue reading My Last Conversation With My Mother
Lwile the Leo 