X Is For XXX

Yup. We are really going there.

It's going down

It was my intention to put up X Is For Xenophobia as this month’s guest post to shed more light on the situation in South Africa, but the person who was supposed to come through let me down at the absolute last minute.

Big mad

Thanks to that annoying turn of events *rolls eyes* I needed to put something together quick, fast and in a hurry, so I came up with the brilliant *flips hair* idea to collect people’s sexcapades.

Last week we had contributions on self-kindness for our mental and emotional wellbeing, this week we have contributions on S.E.X!!! for our sexual wellbeing.

Reading some of today’s contributions had me like:

Ohhhhh shhhhit

Others had me like:

WTF

But mostly I felt:

Proud AF

Allow me to explain.

Sex And The City is my favourite category to write (but aki I have not put up a SATC post since my blogiversary 😐 ), and I know it is a lot of y’alls favourite to read too. So much so that a few people have legit told me they hope I meet my “the one” wayyy into the future so that SATC can continue for as long as possible. Lol. My readers, always wanting the best for me these guys.

Ni sawa tu
Ni sawa tu. Ata sijaskia vibaya.

All jokes aside, I have often wondered what will happen to SATC when I get into a relationship, because I am 100% going to keep our sex life between my partner and me. So today’s contributions have really eased my heart knowing that if/when I get into a relationship SATC can continue via anonymous guest posts.

Before we begin:

  1. A big THANK YOU!!! to everyone who contributed.
  2. All contributions are strictly anonymous, so do not bother asking me who said what. That’s one secret I’ll never tell. *Gossip Girl voice*
  3. But feel free to guess which contribution is mine in the comment section …
  4. Safe sex ni muhimu!! So in the words of Sauti Sol, kabla ukute vitu piga protection.

HERE WE GO!!!

1. I love, love, love role playing.

  • Night nurse. He was injured at the time and he had limited movement so I was doing most of the ‘heavy lifting’. Also he likes to be in control and in-charge so this was something he wasn’t used to. This was something new and I had a nurse’s outfit that got him pretty excited and in the mood but what got him off even faster than he had anticipated was when I went down on him with an ice cube in my mouth.
  • French maid in Tsavo. Cliché much…😂 I was a French maid that didn’t understand English and I was cleaning up a room of a frequent guest. I unexpectedly walk in on him with only a towel on… I try apologizing and excusing myself but then he holds my arms and pulls me in (background story, he is a frequent guest and we both have the hots for each other) and grabs my ass and lifts me onto the bed, he blindfolds me and ties my hands to the bed…he undid the top bit of my dress and poured something cool on me, it was chocolate sauce, he started sucking and kissing different areas on my body… After a bit I heard something vibrating (it’s this ring thing that you place around the shaft and ta-da! You get your very own ‘vibrator’)

I like the idea that someone might be watching me and my s/o getting down and dirty. So I convinced him we try it on the balcony… the excitement of it all got me off soo hard!

We went to the movies at Junction, it was late at night, those 10pm movies. I think it was Robocop, can’t remember. I do recall it being boring so I decided to make it a bit more memorable and so I unzipped him and went down on him right there…yummm 🤤

2. In the parking lot of Bandari plaza, boot open, me bent in, him fucking me into the boot of his car during lunch break! All the while cars are coming in and out of the car park so as “discreet” as we had wanted to be😂😂 that sex wasn’t. But I must say the orgasm was 🔥

Wildest thing…BDSM…ever since I read 50 Shades of Grey…I wanted to be dominated…let’s just say a man in control and knows what he is doing is a killer combination…hands down best sex after stoned sex.

3. The craziest places I’ve had sex are in the trunk of a car, in the gent’s washroom, in the gym and lastly in a studio.

The craziest thing I’ve done was at one of my craziest places I’ve had sex in….the gym. I can remember me hanging on a pull up rack, my legs between his shoulders…that day I got mad tongue wueh!🔥🙆  And getting it from the back with the bouncing ball placed under my belly.

4. Places! Every freaking where!

  • In cars… In motion and parked
  • In a cab… Yup!
  • My girl fingered me in a club
  • Club bathrooms, both boy and girl
  • Kitchens and balconies while at a house party
  • At a bakery
  • In an office
  • Kwa shamba
  • At a watchie sentry
  • Almost in a plane
  • On the bonnet of a car
  • Shower
  • Spa
  • Threesome at a boyfriend’s house, boyfriend wasn’t home…
  • At a wedding
  • Pool, ocean (not a great idea but fun!)
  • Polling station… (in the car)
  • Almost in class

5. Craziest places: the stairs at one of the apartments in Madaraka, Splash parking lot.

Craziest thing: Eaten groceries 🙈

6. Craziest place: a former lover’s shared office space. It was about 7pm, the rest had left. He cleared his desk with one hand (like in the movies) and threw me on the desk. The floor was made of old floor boards and they were squeaking so much I thought he’d fall through. We were getting into it when we heard guys from the floor below shouting, “wacheni, aki mutavunja!”

I almost passed out in embarrassment.

7. You know how eggs and bacon go well together? You should try adrenaline and dick. There ain’t nothing like a man bending you over in a public washroom, pants just halfway down your legs, pussy all wet and his dick just the right kind of hard. The possibility of getting caught makes your heart beat as fast as his thrusts and my oh my don’t those thrusts hit the right spot with that adrenaline coursing through your veins. All the while you have to moan with your “inner voice” lest you get caught and are branded as perverts. I am always up for adrenaline and some D. Give it a try, it may be what your pussy needs😉

8. Gosh so many options. Haha. The best/craziest place I had sex was behind the stage of Kenya National Theater. Haha. There is a back door to a small garden … All while a play was going on😂😂😂

Another time I gave my bf a blow job at burger hut in westy. Good times I tell ya😂 both occasions was with the same individual. Sex was lit!

A guy once asked me to keep my specs and heels on while giving him a blow job. That was an interesting fetish. He loved the geeky look thing I had going on🤓

9. I’ve had sex in some pretty memorable places but the one that always comes to mind first is the ocean. Si ati at the beach by the ocean, I mean in the ocean itself. It was around 4 p.m. during the holidays meaning there were lots of unsuspecting families in the water. Lol.

One of my former workplaces has 3 directors and I had sex in all 3 offices of all 3 directors. I like to call it a triFUCKta.

I’ve also had sex in the toilet of a local I’d frequent in uni, on a balcony, in the garden of my family home, in a car in the parking of my family home…

Craziest sexual experience, hands down, was when some babe gave me head in the toilet at Rafikiz … when I was on my motherfucking period! Like, heaviest-day-of-my-period on my period! And she did not give a fuck! She completely ignored my tampon as she finger-fucked me and went the fuck in with her tongue … yo!

I’ve also had sex with someone else watching us. Yo that shit was wild coz my then boyfriend was also having a conversation with the nigga watching us … well, up to a point at least. Eventually it became … hard to multitask.

A partner introduced me to sex toys a while back and I enjoy incorporating them in my sex life, except nipple clamps and butt plugs. Nipple clamps because I find them uchungu tupu, butt plugs because I always feel like I’m going to shit. I have no problem with having my ass eaten, but the minute anything beyond a finger starts to go up the butt I feel like I’m going to shit the bed. I’m probably not going to, but I ain’t about to take that risk and be known as the girl who literally shit the bed.

I’ve had a couple of threesomes in my day but they no longer interest me. My preference choice was always 1 guy x 1 girl as to me MMF (male male female) threesomes were just too much dick. But now if I were presented with the opportunity for an MMF  threesome I’d consider it. Provided no one tries to dutch-door me it should be fine, because only tongues and fingers are allowed near/in my asshole.

10. I’m not very kinky unfortunately. Very sexually shy but the craziest place I’ve had sex is on the beach during a beach party lol!!

11. Kinkiest places:

  • Under a tree in a church compound in Wundanyi. (Didn’t realize it was a church until we were leaving)
  • Outside Altona fish and chips on Tom Mboya at 3am in the backseat of a car. (My friends will immediately know who submitted this coz they know this story)

Kinkiest thing ever:

  • I live a pretty boring sex life, no 3somes yet (bucket listed though)
  • Had a boyfriend who loved to eat groceries…that was fun

12. So, I’ve been trying to think of the craziest place I’ve ever had sex but can’t think of anything interesting.

Maybe library, when I was in campus I was seeing this Tanzanian guy who was a bit crazy, one night we were studying but then I ended up on his laps riding him.

Oh another I would consider crazy. There was a building in town next to former Kengele’s, was chilling with some friends and all of a sudden I was horny AF. Asked my friend to take me to the rooftop to get some fresh air. Fresh air ended up with some 🔥 strokes in the rain.

13. Okay let’s ndo this!!

The craziest places I’ve had lungula (lol yes it sounds so hilarious when you say it like that anyway) it was eeerrmmm the parking lot right outside my parents’ house🤣..yeaah 1st of all car sex needs a specific position and it’s like hot boxing weeeh the heat… anyway moving on, the next place is club washroom. Kwanza before people start getting drunk…the place is empty and you have to maintain your moans🤣🤣 issa struggle. Then outside the car in some random estate weeh alcohol can make you do things manze but the sex was still bomb and scary but mostly bomb whoever got to watch, we gave them one hell of a show for sure….office washroom but that was oral sex, still counts yeah🤣…..that’s all the places I can recall….good times good times!

Hayaa next is craziest things I’ve done during sex….hmmmm😈….my crazy might be very normal for people anyway….we made a meal out of me (hehehe) with whipping cream and skittles on specific parts of my body then he had to lick me up (just thinking abourriit makes me miss this so much 😭)

Actually btw that’s the craziest… thassiiit 🤣

I’ve tried role playing but it was a bit weird lol so we stopped 🤣

I’ve remembered aki🤣🤣 the other kinky place I’ve had sex was inside a wardrobe 🤣🤣it was very spacious….lol…

14. I don’t have a lot of sexual experiences 🙈… Maybe sex at the parking lot of the office.

15. I had asked my pals to contribute to this. People are wild. Craziest places mentioned: a balcony on first floor, quite open and it was during the day. National park during a game drive. And the one that tops it off, a church (this one we’ve asked for a drink up session to get details)

Kinkiest stuff done. MMF 3some. Anal plugs (I really need an in-depth on how this is exciting).

Fetishes – Gang Bang was mentioned quite a lot.

I’d like to try BDSM. The full 50 Shades stuff.

16. I have explored but the top two: Red Light District in Amsterdam 😲 we were outside watching the strippers and having some as well. And the other one was after a sweaty run in the trails, we just started having it. Oh lots of play with Ben Wa balls in a restaurant.

Seems I love public sex, women playing, watching porn, toys 😀; it was the best discovery since I relocated as thirst was real!!

17. Hierarchy of dick-lofenac 🍆

So my story’s quite short: maybe not wild per se… 🤔 Just a bit different. A bit.

Had a thing with a guy for about a year and a half. Fun times. He didn’t want marriage but would’ve loved a child.

I’d have wanted a baby 👶🏽 (when ready of course 🙄…whenever that is 💩) but he was a billionaire so I figured that in case he was to leave me, I’d be like those babes who get a child with a politician but are peasants cos they can’t take that dickbag to a court of Law… So you and one who’s gotten a child with a street urchin aren’t any different 🤷🏾‍♀

Long story short, when I left the country, we parted ways amicably cos I refused to get off birth control. But we remained good friends: he’d visit me where I was every 2 months…

So here’s the different bit: last year Feb, I hooked up with none other than his own son. One night stand. And the son’s game is just…let’s just say… I wouldn’t even give an E for Effort 😒

Randomly, the day I had a one night stand with the son, the dad actually called (coincidence) and let’s just say….there was no drama. He kept calm…but there was just some explaining to do. We were amicable and even went out for a coupla drinks afterwards etc. Easy guy. Just like the Paps.

Until I sent a drunken DM to….wait for it….his younger brother….yup…

****End of story***

3 thoughts on “X Is For XXX

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