Z Is For Zimenishika

Zimenishika zimenishika zimenishika yo
Mahali nimefika zimenishika zimenishika yo

Zimenishika zimenishika zimenishika yo
Niki (puff puff) kimenishika yo

Yassssssssssssss!! We are finally at the last letter of The Alphabet Series. Woohoo!!

For the last letter of The Alphabet Series we are talking weed. Aka Mary Jane. Aka kush. Aka bhangi. Aka ganja. Aka shadda. Aka ndom. Aka nduklu … Yeah, we can be here all day with dem akas so let me stop there.

The first time I smoked up was in early 2008 at a house party I went for with a cousin of mine and a guy I was having a thing with. And fucking hell it did NOTHING for me as I did not get high in any way, shape or form. The way I was so excited and felt like such a rebel kunywaing bhangi only for nothing to come out of it! Wanking fuckballs! I was sooo disappointed aki. The best analogy I can use to explain my disappointment is like when you have first-time sex with someone who has been talking a big game only for it to suck major balls.

After that lame AF first time I did not bother giving the herb another chance. Flash-forward to the end of 2008 when I started dating the guy who would properly introduce me to weed and all the amazing things that come with being a stoner.

I tried smoking up a few times in 2009 but it still did not do anything for me. So when my then boyfriend and his friends would have a smoke sesh my judgy ass would see them light yet another blunt and I would sneer as I asked, “UGH!! You’re lighting another one?!” It was only when I started smoking cigarettes in December 2009 that I learned how to properly inhale smoke and with time I was the one saying, “ebu we light another one.” The student had become the master. Lol.

My love affair with kush began in earnest in 2010 and I have never looked back. The best way to describe why I love Mary Jane so much is because it makes all five senses better:

1. 1. Sight – have you tried watching TV stoned? I swear you see that shit in 3D.
   2. Hearing – have you tried listening to music stoned? It just slaps sooo different. Kwanza with headphones! That shit is so hi-res you hear every single instrument and vocal ni kama you are a sound engineer.
   3. Smell – ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but I just know it is better.
   4. Taste – munchies. Enough said.
   5. Touch – weed sex. Enough said.

My favourite things about weed though are sex, munchies and music. In that order. I’mma let you finish but weed sex is by far one of the greatest pleasures of all time. One of the greatest pleasures of all time! I am super into weed sex mpaka when I was compiling a list of qualities I want in my husband a few years back, being a stoner was in the top three. Lol. For real though. I just could not see myself marrying someone who does not smoke up because weed sex ni muhimu!

Another thing I love about smoking up are the stoned conversations during smoke sessions that probably make Zzero Sufuri (see what I did there) sense to sober people.

Sadly as my circle has shrunk over the years I no longer have a stoner crew as no one in my current squad is into Mary Jane. So nowadays all my smoke sessions are by myself, typically on weekends and some weekdays after the gym e.g. #weedWednesday. My usual MO is to play music (gengetone is my current fave) and have a dance party by myself before switching to Family Feud when it is time to enjoy the fuck out of the munchies.

But damn I had a super crew back in the day. Sessions were lit AF and 4.20 was a whole affair. We used to say that vile 4.20 ya 2020 will technically be for all of April we will go to Amsterdam to smoke all of the weed. Lol. For real though. But vile I no longer have a stoner crew the plan died as I am only into solo travel within my country where ensuring my safety is not a whole affair. But Amsterdam remains high on my bucket list (behind New York and Italy) and I MUST visit it in the next few years before my future twin girls come along. 4.20 is still a top priority for me though. I mean I apply for leave if it happens to fall on a weekday. Lol. For real though.

My favourite stoner crew member from back in the day was some babe called BBM. She is now based in Mombasa so I do not get to see her but fucking hell we had the best of times; from J rides to hot-boxing her room and everything in between. Plus she can cook so goddamn well the munchies were always sorted with excellence.

BBM was the first (and only) person to teach me how to roll a joint. We used to joke about the lessons by saying that I was attending classes at the BBM Academy. Lol. I have not rolled a blunt in years so that budding (ha!) skillset completely disappeared and now I cannot roll for shit 😐 But rolling perfect blunts is a top priority with regards to things I want to accomplish in 2020. Back then I was rather less than average at it but I could roll a decent Trinidad “roll on”.

What is a Trinidad “roll on”, you ask? See for yourself in the video below from minute 6:48 to 8:00.

Kwanza I used to roll them with a Dunhill Switch ciggie so that when you switch magic happens.

I watched that YouTube video with BBM in early 2013 and I was so captivated by the Strain Hunters that I watched it twice more in 48 hours. Lol. That weekend I subscribed to their YouTube channel and until now it is one of the few channels I remain subscribed to. The video is also why a Pura Vida tattoo is on my to-do list.

In a bit of sad news for anyone who watches the video, Franco passed away on January 2, 2017 due to cerebral malaria he contracted while in the Democratic Republic of Congo. R.I.P. Franco.

On a happier note, Arjan from the video is also known as The King of Cannabis as he is the only breeder in the world credited with winning over 40 High Times Cannabis Cups. As per The Green House Seed Company’s website:

In 1985 Arjan had started growing exotic strains gifted to him from friends and “strain hunted” from trips to places like Thailand, Nepal and other countries in South East Asia. The growers supplying the shops at that time were only interested in high yields and short flowering times, Arjan on the other hand started to experiment with his favourite haze strains. After many years of trying to convince other coffee shops to sell his marijuana, Arjan later decided to start his own coffee shop, The Green House, which he founded on the Tolstraat in 1992. In 1993, one year after opening his first coffee shop in Amsterdam, Arjan introduced the Green House in the 6th High Times Cannabis Cup and he immediately won first prize for the overall cannabis cup. The year after that, in 1994, Arjan won almost every single cup there was to win at the High Times Cannabis Cup. Arjan’s achievements didn’t go unnoticed and in 1995, High Times put him on the front cover of their magazine.

But I digress.

The year we watched the Strain Hunters Trinidad & St. Vincent Expedition video is also the year BBM and I decided that we want to grow our own weed. Lol. For real though. So I signed up for the Strain Hunters Forum and from there I began chatting with fellow weed enthusiasts. With time I hit it off with an Italian (duuuh!!) on the forum and we began chatting about the logistics of sending over seeds of some strains I was dying to try out. We were dead serious about it until we realised that while it is legal to buy and sell small quantities of seeds online in most countries in Europe, it is illegal to sell them outside Europe. And since he would be sending them via the post office, he was not about to take that risk for me as he did not know me at all. But fun times aki. And just look at the photo he sent me of his stash:

All that being said, if there is something I generally stay away from though it is edibles. Wah! I consider myself a super stoner and can hold my own with the best of them, but edibles issa no for me dawg. That high can kill you. Weh! It takes a while to hit but when it does it hits with the force of 1,000 trucks and lasts longer than a 70 year old man who has taken too much Viagra. Lol. I remember once at BBM’s housewarming, we were making food for the party that would take place later in the evening and I had eaten a weed doughnut before peeling the potatoes. It was during the fifth potato or so that I realised I was putting the potato peels in the sufuria and throwing the peeled potatoes in the bin. Lol.

But just look at that doughnut yo!

Can ya blame me for indulging?

Love is fleeting, marijuana is forever.
Lwile’s philosophies ™

That is one of my favourite sayings (that I came up with) because I plan to smoke up forever. I keep saying I will be that grandmother who smokes up. Lol. For real though.

Fun fact: THC does not only stand for tetrahydrocannabinol but also for The Hangover Cure. Try it sometime and thank me later 🙂