8, or ∞

And just like that, Lwile the Leo turns eight today 🥳🍸🫶🥰♌️🪩✨💃

I remember the day I launched Lwile the Leo like it was yesterday. I had tried, and failed, at blogging before, having started a blog on February 1, 2016, but for well over a year and a half I only put up seven posts. Look up the definition of dismal and I am sure you will see seven posts in 19 months under it.

My first blog was called Seeking Thee Great Perhaps, inspired by John Green’s Looking for Alaska. If you know, you know. If you do not, well, what are you waiting for? Do yourself a favour and look for Looking for Alaska ASAP as possible and thank me later. It is not one of those books that will change your life though. I read it in December 2015 and rated it 3 stars because I thought it was simply okay. And yet, the story stayed with me to the point that not only was my first blog name inspired by it, I also named my first laptop Alaska. I originally wanted Seeking The Great Perhaps, but unfortunately it was taken. So Seeking Thee Great Perhaps it was.

After my mum died I renamed it to Daughter of JS, which I quite liked. But I am more than the daughter of the greatest woman who ever lived and I wanted a blog name that showcases all facets of my complex, multi-layered self.

In August 2018, while in Malindi on a solo birthday vacation, the name Lwile the Leo came to me in a manner not unlike manna from heaven. And on the last day of Leo season, Lwile the Leo was born. Eight years and 207 posts later, here we are.

My world unintentionally, then intentionally, slowed down when I turned 38, giving me the space to think about the good, the bad, and the ugly of my life. Which could not have come at a better time after the dumpster fire that was 37. It has been a year of getting my shit together, and in the process I have been thinking long and hard about my Big Five: Physical and Mental Health, Career, Writing, Relationships (spouse, family and friends), and Finances.

Regarding Writing, and specifically my blog, I have been thinking about its yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I started Lwile the Leo for several reasons, but the biggest was to comfort and inspire. My mum died on December 13, 2017 at 1:10 a.m. after a 5 ½ year battle with stage IV breast cancer that metastasised to her spine, leaving her paralysed from the waist down. In the 5 ½ years she bravely fought cancer, I often felt so alone because, other than my siblings, I was the only person I knew whose mother was currently battling cancer. Or, depending on the day, dying from it.

I have always been happiest alone, but being alone and feeling alone are as different as Friday night and Monday morning. Feeling alone was extremely overwhelming, making it all too easy to get sucked into a never-ending spiral of despair. Despair of not having someone, other than my siblings, whose mother was battling cancer on some days and dying from it on others. Of not having someone to reassure and comfort me, or offer a silver lining. I hated everything about how alone I felt in those years, so I decided to write about it in the hopes that my words would bring comfort to anyone going through something similar.

I also wanted to inspire. In five years my mum went through more than most do in a lifetime. She lost her hair, then her breast, then her ability to walk. She woke up almost every day in debilitating pain. Yet she was still so quick to smile, to offer advice and encouragement. Her wicked sense of humour remained intact and she made me laugh nearly every day. She never lost her faith and remained positive till the very end. Of course there were bad days when she was tired of it all, but her resilience always outweighed her suffering. We can all learn a lot from her and by sharing her story I hoped to inspire anyone going through a difficult time not to give up.

And share her story is exactly what I did after launching my blog on August 22, 2018. On January 1, 2019, I changed both my WhatsApp and Instagram profile pictures and statuses. They were previously about my mum, but New Year’s Day felt like the right time to make the change. Doing so made me think of a grieving widow(er) taking off their wedding ring. I imagine that even as they do so they are still grieving, but taking off their ring is a symbol that one is ready to begin moving forward with their life. That is what changing my pics and statuses symbolised for me. My grief may always be a part of me but that does not mean it will always define me.

2019 remains my best year to date, but ever since then I have never been able to recreate its magic, both on and off the blog. Enter 2020 and with it the cracks in the happiness I finally found in 2019 (after chasing it my whole damn life) started to show before it all came crashing down in 2021. 2022 and 2023 were the lost years, 2024 was the heaven and hell year, and 2025 was my rock-bottom year.

Here we are in 2026, what I am claiming as my ascension year, and I am thinking about what next for Lwile the Leo. Not only has my readership steadily declined over the years, but I also do not earn anything from the blog. Yet writing is my talent and my purpose, and it is about damn time I started getting paid for my craft. My strategy is to monetise my writing by submitting to publications that pay, in addition to entering writing contests. That means I have to save my best work for these publications and contests since some, if not most, do not accept work that has been previously published on blogs or social media. I also want to write a book or two or three, and the discipline required to achieve such a goal will be difficult to honour if I spread my pen too thin.

I will still write here, because the blog is a big part of who I am, and consistency enlarges ability. But I turn 40 next year, and Lwile the Leo turns 10 the year after that. And I need to figure out the WHY and HOW of carrying the blog with me into the next chapter of my writing. I definitely do not have all the answers. Shit I do not even have a single answer 😅 But I am determined to find them and when I do, I will most definitely share them with you dear reader.

All of this to say, thank you for rocking with me for the last eight years. Today’s birthday is extra special, not just because of how much the number eight means to me because of 3.8 and 8.3, but also because of its connection to infinity, seeing as 8 tilted on its side resembles the infinity symbol.

Is eight an endpoint, or is it the point at which possibilities become infinite? I do not know any more than you do. How Lwile the Leo’s story unfolds remains to be seen, but for today I am taking time to celebrate where I was, where I am, and where I will be.