E Is For Eye Fucking

The first time I came across the term eye fucking was back in 2011 when I Googled Harvey Specter. Mr. Specter is just sooo fucking sexy I had to find out if I was the only one who would lose my mind when watching Suits. (Spoiler alert, I was not.)

I came across the term in an article titled How to be Harvey Specter: 75 Guidelines for Mike Ross. Point 10 was Chemistry is important. Eye contact is key. Eyefucking is taking it to a whole new level.

(Also, how lol is point 9. Ruin lives with your good looks. I should try that this year. LMFAO)

Urban Dictionary (duh!) defines eye fucking as when you make eye contact exactly at the same time and you stare for longer than 3 seconds but you have to think of all the dirty things you want to do to that person. An alternative, more succinct definition by them is when you stare so hard at someone that you might as well have been inside them. Lol. Love it!

Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck, had this to say about it in his post The Levels Of Eye Contact.

Level 7: The Eye Fuck

This is someone who makes eye contact, holds it, smiles, and then never stops. They just keep staring and smiling, and staring and smiling, sometimes for minutes at a time. Eye fucking is the first level of eye contact that makes the leap from “interested/curious” to “they want to have sex with me.” Eye fucking doesn’t withhold any intentions. It’s about as much interest as one can possibly display through eye contact alone. If you get eye fucked by an attractive person and don’t act on it, you’re probably blind or mid-seizure. I can’t think of any other reasonable explanation.

When undesired, the eye fuck is exceedingly creepy. If you’re a man and you regularly eye fuck women who do not reciprocate or smile back, then you likely have pepper spray in your near future.

Eye fuckers will often end up approaching you if you don’t approach. Although many of them will give up if you don’t approach for a few minutes and assume you’re not interested. If you’re a man and a woman is eye fucking you, the hint should be clear: she wants you to talk to her.

Now, raise your hand if you find it awkward to maintain eye contact with someone.

It is quite paradoxical but I am both confident and shy at the same time. If you do not know me you might find it hard to believe I am shy because I am loud AF! Oh, and my BDE. But I usually feel awkward in social settings with people I am not familiar with. Plus I find it hard to approach people, especially if I find you attractive. So maintaining eye contact with someone I am attracted to is next to impossibility. (Any A Man of the People readers remember that phrase?)

E was initially meant to be for escape but it would not be fair to the person it was written about. Then I met this guy who eye fucks the hell out of me and I. AM. HERE. FOR. IT! So here we are.

I met him on a night out some time last month. As usual I will not name names so let us call him John Doe. In fact, going forward every guy I write about will be referred to as John Doe.

I noticed John checking me out and I immediately looked away. I do not know why but I always look away so fast when I notice an attractive person checking me out. Which is probably why this is my current struggle:

I am out here cockblocking myself. Lol.

So when I realised that was John checking me out my cockblocker self was, as always, first to react:

But a few seconds later when my confident self came to play, I was all DAMN STRAIGHT I AM FINE AF SO OF COURSE HE IS CHECKING ALL OF THIS OUT!!! Then it was like:

Lol. I play too much.

I am so inspired by John’s expertise in eye fucking that I have decided to acquire that skill set this year. I will practise at every opportunity I get and with time the student will become the master. Lol. When I was researching this post I came across a few etiquette pointers on eye fucking, and I will share some here in case anyone is interested in learning this skill set as well:

• Do not ogle. There is a difference between ogling and eye fucking. Whereas eye fucking is a lost art, ogling is just downright gross.
• Mind their reaction. If you are not getting a stare and/or smile back, abort mission!! He/she is not interested.
• Add some body language to the mix. Once it is established that they are interested, smile, smirk, wink, bite your lip, touch your hair, angle your body towards them etc etc. The options are many so have fun with it.

But, I digress.

Since waiting for a guy to come introduce himself is overrated and boring, I decided to go say hi to John. As he was facing away from me, I tapped him lightly on the shoulder to get his attention.

John: Hi.

Me: Hi.

John: Why are you tapping my shoulder like I bite?

Me: Do you? Don’t you? Either way is fine with me, it just depends on where.

So audacious, right? I bet y’all like:

But damn that look needs a private audience. He laid eyes on me, laid me with his eyes, so now he just gotta look at me like that when he is on top of me. Or maybe handcuffed under me. That would be so hot! Intense, yes? But Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman lyrics best describes what John’s eye fucking does to me:

Somethin’ ’bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman
Somethin’ ’bout you makes me wanna do things that I shouldn’t