In case it is not massively obvious from the title of today’s post, today is my boyfriend’s 30th birthday.
In honour of this auspicious occasion (lol), I am taking another mini break from my hiatus to pay tribute to my incredible boyfriend on his milestone birthday by sharing 30 things I love about him.
- His looks
Lemme just start with this one because whew chilllleee my man is FINE AF!!!! He is irresponsibly my type! I first laid eyes on my boyfriend in April 2019 and immediately crushed on him so soo sooo soooo hard; it was his hair and his eyes that did it for me. I probably saw him all of three times that April and did not see him again for the next few months but I could not stop thinking about him. Which is why in the flash fiction piece I wrote for Yummy Magazine’s wine themed competition, that I titled Minutes To Midnight, I described him as:
Tall, dark and handsome in a Linkin Park Minutes to Midnight hoodie, dark jeans, Nikes and hair like Michael B. Jordan in Black Panther, he was irresponsibly my type.
2. His body
3. His sense of humour
My boyfriend is a major goofball who makes me laugh really hard every single day with his dumbass jokes and skits complete with facial expressions, accents and dance moves.
Marry your best friend. I do not say that lightly. Really, truly find the strongest, happiest friendship in the person you fall in love with. Someone who speaks highly of you. Someone you can laugh with. The kind of laughs that make your belly ache, and your nose snort. The embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. Wit is important. Life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them.
4. How heartfelt he is
My boyfriend is the kindest, hottest, funniest, SEXIEST!!!!, most compassionate, patient, understanding, loving, caring, perceptive, intelligent, honest, thoughtful, optimistic, attentive, gentle man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Those are very many adjectives (because he is all of them and then some) but if I were to describe my boyfriend in one word I would use the word heartfelt. I know that a person cannot technically be described as heartfelt but that one word sums him up perfectly. I mean, I wrote a whole blog post about this so in case you did not read it, you might want to check it out 😊
5. His dedication to being the best man he can be for himself
My boyfriend puts in the work to be the best man he can be for himself, and it is so sexy and inspiring to witness and be a part of.
6. His unwavering dedication to being the best boyfriend he can be
Every other day my boyfriend asks me, “have I made you happy today”/”what have I done today to make you happy and what have I done to make you unhappy?”/“did I do anything to disappoint you today?” etc etc. Every! Other!! Day!!! My happiness means the world to my man and when we inevitably fight, he always takes ownership of his mistakes and apologises. And when he promises me that something will never happen again, he really means it and works hard to make the change(s) happen.
7. How devoted he is to me
If it’s not obvious by now how devoted my man is to me, lemme add that ever since guest writing for me The Girl With The Butterfly Tattoo last year, he started kissing me on my butterfly tattoo before looking me in the eye and telling me he is devoted to me. He makes sure to do this every and I:
8. He is the sweetest thing ever
I can go on and on and on about this, so lemme control myself and just stick to one example. Last year he came up with this thing whereby when we say hello and goodbye each other, we always do so with four kisses on the lips (because four is our number) and I love how cute and unique it is to us.
9. His Big Mac truck
Enough said 😉
10. His fire flames sex
Because having a Big Mac truck and not knowing how to use it is a fucking (get it 😉) waste of big dick. But yeah, mans really does give me everything he’s got for this WAP.
11. How well he knows me
After only a few weeks of chatting with my boyfriend I knew he was going to know me better than anyone else in my life.
In a WhatsApp message I sent him the night before Thanksgiving Day in 2019, I wrote:
I’m thankful for how it’s not even been a month of talking yet you know me so well.
There’s a line in Lover where Taylor says “Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?” What has taken people in my life years has taken you weeks.
There is no one in this world who knows me better than my boyfriend does. What took people in my life years to know and understand about me really did take him weeks, to the extent that we were both very apprehensive, and a wee bit terrified, about how easily and quickly we got to know and fall for each other. Now there are times he knows me even better than I know myself and it is so refreshing being with someone who understands me so well without me having to try so damn hard to make myself known.
Which brings us to:
12. Our Love Story
My FRIENDSHIP & CAMARADERIE post’s intro is:
My boyfriend and I have a very beautiful love story. Very. I know that declaration is quite biased coming from me but sweardown out of all the love stories in the world, mine and my boyfriend’s is my absolute favourite.
And this I’ve always known from the get-go when less than 2 weeks after our first date I wrote this as the first two paragraphs of that Meghan & Harry Thanksgiving Eve message:
Now that I know you read today’s post (plus I also mentioned it when we just started talking) you are aware that I’d planned on taking a break from men in Q4. I was just really tired of being lied to and I didn’t want to let that bullshit energy into what is usually my toughest 3 months of the year.
And then I slid into your DM 🙃 and life hasn’t been the same for me since then. You came into my life at such a difficult time, and when I least expected it, and in the most beautiful way.
The Universe aligned to bring us into each other’s lives at just the right time; him when he was ready and me when I needed it most. Robertta Bobbie said to me earlier this year that my boyfriend was sent by my mama to take care of me and that just blew my mind because of how unerring her observation was.
Speaking of my mum:
13. How he absolutely honours my grief
My boyfriend knows how much my mum means to me, so he always finds ways to include her in our relationship. Whether it is toasting to her on my birthday for giving birth to me or pouring me a shot on 13th to drink in her honour, he sees my grief and he honours it. Last year December 13th was on a Sunday and he forego heading home to see his people for the weekend so that he did not have to leave me alone for even a minute. He understands how difficult December is for me, seeing as my mum died 12 days before Christmas and so even before we officially started dating, in 2019 he made the decision to spend Christmas with me last year to offer me some much-needed comfort. He came to that decision in 2019 when he called me from Kisumu during a stopover with his family when they were going upcountry for Christmas. He said I sounded sadder than he had ever heard and after that call he made a spur of the moment decision to book a bus to Nairobi the day before he was set to leave upcountry so that he could spend one day with me before heading to Malindi for the New Year. Remember he comes from a very close-knit family so him choosing to leave them one day early for me, and on Christmas no less, is a Big Fucking Deal.
14. His Bruce Banner-The Hulk vibes
I like to say that my boyfriend is a gentleman on the streets but a freak in the sheets. Lol. For real though. He is four years younger than me and on our first date he was soooo shy he could barely look me in the eye the whole time. So while I knew the sex would be good, I did not think it would be this fire flames because of his age and shyness. But boy was I wrong!! My boyfriend is the absolute sweetest thing until it is time to have sex … and then Bruce Banner becomes The Hulk.
15. He loves, respects and accepts all of me
My boyfriend knows all of me. Sees all of me. Flaws and all. And as I said in FRIENDSHIP & CAMARADERIE, I am a woman who is ‘difficult’ to love. Yet he sees all of me and all the same loves, respects and accepts all of me. In my Thanksgiving Eve message I reminded him of one of our early conversations where I told him like three times that I am complicated. He said to me, “I wish you’d stop saying you’re complicated. I want you to trust me enough to tell me whatever it is, and know that I won’t judge you and that I’ve got your back” So I did. And he does.
16. Our unmatched intimacy
On Thanksgiving Day 2019 I surprised my boyfriend by showing up at the gym on my way to work to give him a box with 28 notes of things about him I am thankful for (because he was 28 at the time). One of the things I wrote is:
I’m thankful for how easy you make it for me to be vulnerable with you.
In turn my vulnerability has allowed me to heal and open myself up to the most intimate relationship I have ever, and will ever, be in. As Taylor Jenkins Reid wrote in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo (highkey recommend. MAJOR 5 stars!):
People think that intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about truth. When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them bare and their response is ‘you’re safe with me’- that’s intimacy.
17. He is so incredibly loving
I could go on and on and on about this as well, so lemme keep it short by saying that I have never ever ever been loved this deliberately in my life and I am so thankful for it because it is such a blessing. In December 2019, before we were officially dating, my boyfriend made the decision to spend Christmas the following year with me. But I was uneasy with his decision as he had always spent Christmas with his fam and was apprehensive of rubbing his people, especially his mum, the wrong way given they had not even met me. I even had a conversation with my therapist about it pre-Covid and she asked me, “what is it about you that you don’t think is worthy of him choosing to spend Christmas with you? He’s a grown man, he’s clearly determined to do this, why do you think you’re not worthy of being chosen?” And with that eye-opening insight I embraced his decision and have since come to learn that my boyfriend is full of grand, loving gestures.
18. His family
My boyfriend comes from a happy, healthy, loving home, free of dysfunction, with parents and siblings he loves and is more than happy to spend time with. He goes home every Saturday to spend the weekend with his people before coming back home on Sunday evening. He told his folks about me early last year, which was huge for him as I am the first girlfriend he has ever mentioned, and subsequently introduced, to his parents.
His family is very religious and they have family devotions every night. Around June last year his dad started praying for me:
His mum has been praying for me for a while too, but after meeting his folks she not only prays for me, she also prays for my siblings as well.
Speaking of my siblings:
19. How badly he wants my siblings and I to become close again
It is no secret that my brother stopped being close to my sister and I after our mum died. I have written about it a few times on the blog (see here) and every morning and night my boyfriend prays for my siblings and I to become to close again and just:
20. His capacity to care
When my boyfriend asks me what are four things I love about him, his capacity to care is always among the four. His capacity to care is unmatched. If my boyfriend cares for you, he will go over and above for you, which is why he is such a great son, brother, friend, personal trainer and boyfriend.
21. How perceptive he is
If my intuition is my superpower, my boyfriend’s is his perceptiveness. He notices the littlest of details and it is verrrrrrryyyyyy sexy *fans self*. His perceptiveness is the reason why he sometimes knows me better than I know myself. He is almost always able to anticipate my moods and respond accordingly. Sometimes he even perceives my mood before I do and, once again, it is so refreshing being with someone who understands me so well without me having to try so damn hard to make myself known.
22. The fact that nne is in his damn name
23. How excited he gets about things that excite me
In my Thanksgiving Eve message I wrote:
I first knew I could really like you after I told you about my love for GIFs and you immediately started using them in our chats. And now you are almost as good as me 💁♀️
You might think it’s just GIFs, especially because you now enjoy them as well, but for me the point is how you pay attention to the littlest of things. And how you go ahead to take interest in those littlest of things. E.g. sending me articles of my fave artist’s performances.
I love me some Taylor Swift and it was not long before he started playing her songs unprovoked, not just because he now also loves her music, but because he knows it will make me happy. My boyfriend’s favourite artist is Meek Mill (😐) but you will often hear a lot of Taylor, Ariana, Selena Gomez, Olivia Rodrigo etc etc. playing in our house.
24. He ain’t no fuckboy
Fuckboys are not my aesthetic but kuna venye good guys are hard to find in Nairobi because city boys reign supreme. They showed me dust in 2019 mpaka I decided to take a break from men just before meeting my boyfriend. But what they say so often can be true. When you give up on trying, life has a way of surprising you. I re-DMd my boyfriend on October 20th and I really cannot tell you why I decided to go for it then when I was supposed to be on a break from men. My guess is that the Universe whispered into my heart and soul that it was time because things have worked out beautifully between us since then.
25. How much fun he is to be around
Whether we are doing something outdoors, or just chilling in the house watching TV, my boyfriend is soooo much fun to be around!!!
26. He is going to be the best dad ever!
The skits my boyfriend does of him and our future daughter Arya (WIP name though) make me laugh so hard and my heart melt so hard too. The skits range from him taking a family photo with me and Arya, sana sana when she is a few months old so he is carrying her in his arms; to him teaching her all the many pranks they will play on me (he always starts these by saying, “Arya come I tell you…”); to him walking her to school and everything in between.
When I met his parents on Father’s Day this year, his mum told me that while her husband is a really great dad, his father (my boyfriend’s granddad) is the best father in the world. It really struck me when she said that because a) it clearly runs in the family b) my boyfriend always says that his dad is the best father and man in the world and he will never measure up to him because the bar is too high. Which is obviously not true because my boyfriend is the best man I have ever, and will ever, know. And now I know he gets it from his dad who got it from his dad…
27. His creativity
The other day he came up with the idea to call our future dogs Leo and Libra and I thought that was so clever and cute. He also has a million nicknames for me, some cute, some funny, all very creative. He is so full of creative ideas and I cannot wait for y’all to see him bring them to life on Intrigant Behavior, so please follow his content creation page if you do not already do so.
On the other hand I have the worst dad in the world so this reason I love him is particularly weighty to me. I always say that even if I somehow started earning Taylor Swift money, the best gift I will ever give my future kid(s) is their dad. They are going to have a Phil Dunphy of a dad.
27. The fact that my three anxiety disorders do not faze him
I have three anxiety disorders – PTSD, OCD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and he does not for one second make me feel like there is something wrong with me. In fact, when I first told him I technically have two therapists his only takeaway was that I must be a good conversationalist. He understands that I am a highly sensitive person and never makes me feel like him having to make adjustments to his speech and/or actions to accommodate my sensitive nature is a burden. He is constantly giving me assurance, even when I do not need it. This in turn makes it so easy for me to let him in on my irrational thoughts because I know my vulnerability will be met with understanding, patience and compassion. He also ALWAYS knows when something is bothering me and is constantly on hand to offer support even when what is bothering me makes zero sense to him.
29. Our friendship
My boyfriend is my best friend and I do not say that lightly. We took time to build our friendship when we were getting to know each other and now we are reaping the benefits because we have an incredibly strong friendship. He is my biggest cheerleader, my shoulder to cry on, my sounding board, my partner in crime, my drinking and TV watching buddy etc. He is also the one person who makes me laugh the most day in, day out and we really really really really enjoy spending time with each other.
And last but definitely not least:
30. How safe I feel with him
On July 4, 2017 my previous therapist told me that emotional safety is a core relationship need for me.
I come from chaos, pain and heartbreak. In 2020 for International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women I wrote extensively about the domestic violence my mum suffered at the hands of her husband. I grew up in a VERY violent household and because of that, among other things I have gone through, my therapist tells me that I am always looking for the catastrophe because it is what I know. Lucky for me my boyfriend knows that I come from chaos, pain and heartbreak, he understands that I work very hard both in and out of therapy to move on from my trauma, I Wanna and so he is just so kind, patient, accommodating and gentle with me. It also helps that he is such a kind, patient, accommodating and gentle person to begin with so it is not hard for him to extend those qualities to me and still love me even when I am at my absolute worst.
Happy 30th birthday mon bebé 🥳🍾🥂😍🎉🙂 I love you more than you will ever know ❤️😘🥰😌